Cynical Island, Population: Me

This week has been one of those weeks where I have to constantly remind myself, “At least you’re not in the U.S.A., at least you’re not in the U.S.A.”  I am fully aware that the following rant is going to come off as ungrateful and close-minded and spoiled, but that’s okay with me because the people who know me best know that every day I’m here (especially this year) I'm thankful for my job and my amazing life in Madrid.  I think most ex-pats are entitled to a rant like this once in a while.  So, here are some things that have been pissing me off lately:   

1. Having to constantly defend a country that I secretly can’t stand.  Spaniards have the most stereotypical and uninformed opinions about the United States.  I’m constantly having to tell them that none of the crap they’re shown in the media is actually real, and I find myself getting legitimately annoyed.  It’s a similar feeling to the one you get when you trash talk and criticize your own family, but the second someone else trashes them you come to their defense.  It’s exactly like that.  Personally, I can’t stand the United States because I don’t have the same cultural fit as everyone else, but I am capable of standing back and realizing that the United States is an amazing place to live.  It’s shocking to me that Spaniards have the balls to describe us as selfish, lazy, gun-toting fatties (no joke, I’ve seriously had this said to me this past week) and yet be completely blind to the flaws in their own culture.

On the other hand, there are those Spaniards who idealize the United States and think life there is an amazing magical wonderland of glamour, fashion, and professional sports. If I hear one more Spaniard say, “Ees my dream go to America”……I might crack.

I feel like American ex-pats have a harder time of disproving stereotypes (both negative and positive) about their home country than other ex-pats because we’re fighting against an image that is so deeply entrenched all over the world.  We’re fighting against a media campaign from Hollywood, travel companies, Washington D.C., and every single American product or celebrity that is sold internationally.  Sometimes I wish I could teach in a school in the middle of the jungle where the people haven't been exposed to MTV, video games, or any communication with the outside world.  Then, I could just be judged for being me and not for being "an American."
   
2. This one gets a little whiny.  When you’re living abroad, everyone wants to take advantage of you and use you as a resource…the locals and the people back home.  Let’s start with the English-speaking folks.  Since September 2010, I’ve gotten everyone and their mother asking me how to get a job in Spain.  Oh, you want to know how to get a job in Spain? You want to know if I can help you?  You want me to tell you how to do every single thing involved in making a life-changing decision? I’ll tell you how.  You google it, like I did.  You spend a month incessantly googling and researching and you make your own informed decision.  Nobody helped me, and I did just fine.  I’m always more than willing to talk to people and tell them how awesome it is in Spain, what the ex-pat experience is like, and all the cool things they can see and do here.  I’m also always more than willing to let people stay at my place for a few nights when they first get here or if they’re passing through Madrid.  What I’m not willing to do is cater to people who are too lazy to do their own research.  It’s their life.  They need to take control of it. 

Now, the Spaniards.  They see me as a free walking English class or proof-reader.  No matter what I do, my co-workers, random people I meet out at night, and even friends will try and speak English to me.  They justify it by saying, “I know your Spanish is better than my English, but I really need to practice.”  Yeah, great.  I get to sit through a painfully slow, badly pronounced, broken English conversation just because you want free English lessons.  If I wanted to speak English, I would hang out with guiris.  I hate English, and any time I’m not in a classroom, I don’t want to be speaking it.  I’m taking the most difficult level of the DELE exam at the end of the year, so maybe I should be just as selfish as they are and reply to every English conversation starter with, “Sorry, you have to help me prepare for the DELE exam!”

3. The level of racism here is unbelievable and overwhelming.  Things will never change if the younger generation continues to validate it with “Así es España / That’s the way Spain is.” Yeah, we get it.  You were completely isolated from the rest of the world and fed ridiculous ideology from a fascist dictator for 36 years.  There are tons of older people (a.k.a. people born pre-1980s) that still believe that close-minded shit, but if you’re not from that generation then behave like a normal human being!  Open your eyes, learn things, and don’t believe everything your parents, political party, and television programs say.  I haven’t given up completely with my students.  Every time one of them says the n-word or anything racist, I stop the class and point it out.  I try to explain to them why it’s wrong or ask them how they would feel if someone made a completely uneducated generalization about all Spaniards…but who knows if they actually care.  They look at me like it’s completely irrational for me to be so angry about their comments, probably because I’m white.  There’s no way for them to understand that cultural difference.  Part of me feels like it's a lost cause with older students because there's a very small window of time to be taught tolerance when you’re a kid, and by the time adolescence rolls around, the foundation has pretty much already been set for your asshole adulthood. 

4. Good manners are almost non-existent here.  I know a lot of foreigners say that Spaniards are rude because they’re very straight-forward and blunt, whether they’re resolving a workplace conflict, giving their opinion in a friendly conversation, or cat-calling on the street.  That kind of stuff doesn’t bother me.  I can see that as a weirdly endearing part of their culture.  The part that gets me is the obliviousness to basic courtesies.  I have seen firsthand the difference in treatment I get when I’m with Spaniards and the treatment I get when I’m with other foreigners.  Waiters and bartenders will blatantly treat us like shit. (Maybe this complaint should go in the racist category).  Then there’s the simple concept of not taking up the entire sidewalk when there are other people walking down the street, helping old ladies with their grocery carts in the metro, etc.  I can count on one hand how many times in the last 2+ years I’ve heard someone say “please,” “thank you,” or “excuse me.”  I have to actually elicit these words from my kids, and I’ve worked with 1^st-5^th grade and 7^th-12^th grade.  The attitude they have is amazing.  They have no respect for each other or their elders. 

I think this might be a worldwide phenomenon though because I see the same things here that I see in the United States: parents who are completely oblivious to their children’s behavior, who never correct them when they do something rude or wrong, or who can’t control them to begin with because the kids know they’ll get their way in the end. 

On Thursday, as I was leaving work to head to my tutoring classes, I had to walk past the public high school in front of the train station.  There was a group of about 50 kids gathered outside starting some kind of fight or orgy or general chaotic mess.  As I pushed my way through them (probably with a disgusted look on my face), I heard one of the kids mockingly go, “Sheesh, the youth these days.  In my time, this didn’t happen.”  So does that make me an old grump now?

5. Lastly, they need to stop inventing words in English like “okay makay” or random noises to go along with English verses in songs. 

 

That’s my way of ending on a light note.

 

Disclaimer: I know tons of people in Spain who don’t fit any of these criteria, and I appreciate the fact that I’ve had an amazingly easy life here being a Caucasian, 20-something, bilingual, female with a steady job.